In this post, I will provide an overview of my experiences with attending retreats at the White House which I would highly recommend to anyone who may have the opportunity to do so.
The White House is a Jesuit managed retreat center on the southern edge of St. Louis, MO located on a beautifully landscaped campus atop a bluff overlooking the Mississippi River. The campus offers a pathway with the Stations of the Cross, a nature trail and other landscaped grounds that retreatants can stroll through.
They have different retreat offerings but typically it is a guided and silent retreat — which as an unabashed introvert, is one of my favorite elements — that start on a Thursday evening and runs through Sunday afternoon. It is loosely based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola. Also, you don’t have to be Catholic to attend.
When you arrive, there is an evening meal during which an overview is provided and assignments made for various duties (bell ringer, prayer leader at meals, reader at Mass, etc.). The quarters are small, somewhat monastic I would say, but more than adequate and the food is good. Almost too good! I associate retreats with a certain level of ascetism, so I generally skip dinner.
The schedule is laid out in detail but there is adequate time for solitary reflection, walking, reading and journaling. A day typically includes morning prayer in common, several conferences, Rosary, Mass etc., Retreatants are not expected to attend everything and can skip as much or as little as they would like. Everything is located within close walking distance.
As far as my experience goes, I’ve attended their guided retreats on two occasions, once in October of 2021 and again in November of 2022. Both were very different experiences for me, not because of anything with the retreat house itself, but because of where I was as in my Catholic journey.
October 2021 was a fair to middling experience at best. At worst, it reinforced many negative tendencies I would eventually need to work through with my relationship with Jesus. My head was not in the right place, and, in retrospect, I came to it with an expectation of “All right, God, here I am doing this retreat. What are you going to do for me?” Quid pro quo. Obviously, the wrong approach but it’s odd how when I was in that moment, I was oblivious to it.
On day two, I developed a nagging headache that gradually morphed into a full skull splitter. I suspect this was in large part fueled by the coffee and hot chocolate concoction that I consumed probably three to four times a day while I was there. Whatever the case, it was a distraction and I never really fully committed to the experience. I left early on Sunday, partly because there were tornadoes forecast for where my home is (thanks, Missouri) but mainly because I was just going through the motions, not willing to see that’s all I was doing and, on some level, being frustrated with myself for just going through the motions and not willing to admit it. In the end, I left it with nothing gained, I thought; however, looking back, I can only speculate that this was in accordance with His will.
Throughout the time between that retreat and the one in November of 2022, I had, by the Father’s grace, somehow managed to make some progress internally with being able to have a more functional relationship with Jesus. I completed the consecration to Jesus through the Immaculate Heart of Mary in August 2022 which is something that I had been drawn to for years but never committed to up until that point. I had completed the consecration to St. Joseph in March of 2021 but I think I clearly needed help from the both of them. I don’t know that I can adequately explain how my internal disposition was changed after the consecrations, but it is clear in retrospect that their intercessionary efforts allowed the Father’s grace to work in me in a much more substantive manner. A topic for another time, perhaps.
I think the consecrations, as well as an increase in prayer and study, created a confluence of circumstance that allowed, by G-d’s Grace, the November 2022 retreat to be a deeply meaningful experience for me. I don’t know that I can adequately summarize everything other than to say that the more I let go of things, the more He was able to take over. I had for years (and admittedly, still do) hang on to things such as money, my own desires, wants, “needs,” – summarized, I suppose, with a desire for control that is “I” centered. I want to be in charge and in control. He showed me that I am definitely not and the more that I diminish my “self,” the more I am truly free in Him.
Everything clicked. The priest’s conference talks, the prayer, the dialogue encountered in prayer and journaling — everything felt sublimated towards a direct encounter with Jesus. I became excited about the faith again, similar to how I felt years ago when I first conceived that there was something or someone called G-d and he had a son named Jesus Christ and that He loved me, truly and personally. I remember that when I came home, my wife made a comment that I was different, in a good way.
I must admit that the giddiness imparted to me during the retreat has faded a bit but the core foundation is absolutely still present. Many of the practices that were introduced to at the retreat remain as part of my approach to prayer life, such as the daily examen (although I definitely don’t do it as often as I need to) and some of the tangential topics that were discussed.
I suppose, in summary, that a point I’m hoping to convey is that the “successful” outcome of a retreat is largely a product of the retreatant’s openness and willingness to diminish him or herself in order for the Holy Spirit to then have some room to come in and allow G-d’s grace to flow through them. It has taken me upwards of 40 years to have some basic realization of this. Better late than never, I guess.
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With regard to some of the tangential topics referenced above, one of them was a book the priest mentioned, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. I’ve been married *looks at engraved cutting board with wedding date on it* for almost nine years and I wish I would have read this book ages ago. It highlights some fundamental ways that people approach relationships and how a misalignment of those approaches can create perpetual issues. Very eye opening and I would highly encourage anyone in a relationship to read and discuss with their significant other.
Another great book that the priest recommended was Reimagining the Ignatian Examen. It outlines the traditional Ignatian examen as well as provides several others. This is the book I turn to on a regular basis for guidance.
A book I am still making my way through but would also recommend is, The Discernment of Spirits: An Ignatian Guide for Everyday Living. It provides a great outline of a fundamental and practical methodology for helping determining G-d’s will for us. I’ve read a lot of books/websites on how to determine G-d’s will and this is one that I can say, from my own experience anyway, is something that is concrete and practical.
If you’ve made it this far, I appreciate you taking the time! Feel free to drop any questions in the comments.