At some point, I came to a realization that faith wasn’t feelings. Meaning that for many years, I often associated good spiritual progress with an associated feeling of elation, wonder or some other semi-euphoric sense of wonder with existence. During those times, it felt like G-d was pleased with me and I was on the right path.
What happened though, as you can probably guess, is that when those consoling feelings left (and they always do), I associated that absence with failure. I did something or didn’t something to cause G-d to strip away his approval and I was plunged into an existence that felt devoid of HIs presence.
I vacillated between periods of spiritual desolation and consolation for years. By His Grace, I slowly came to understand that the periods in which it felt like He was absent were essential to spiritual growth. Faith, like love, is a decision. One that we choose to make at every moment. Do we make the decision to move forward, to do the necessary work even when it is hard? I found that it is perfectly natural to go through phases in which living the faith is hard. Prayer was difficult, going to Mass was tedious and boring and Jesus felt far away, if I even thought of Him at all.
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Looking back, I can’t say what happened exactly to set me on a path that helped me realize that persistence in those spiritually tumultuous times was a necessary and productive labor. I believe that completing the consecration to St. Joseph was key and many positive changes occurred thereafter on many spiritual fronts. I completed the formula outlined in Fr. Calloway’s book, Consecration to St. Joseph: The Wonders of our Spiritual Father on March 19, 2021, St. Joseph’s feast day.
Reading St. Faustina’s Diary: Divine Mercy in My Soul was also very helpful. It struck me how intimate her union was with Jesus yet how she still from time to time doubted on a level I couldn’t imagine for someone who had such experiences.
Spiritual consolation and desolation are two powerful experiences that help shape our spiritual journey. While consolation brings us joy and peace, desolation can challenge our faith and cause us to question our beliefs. But it’s important to remember that both of these experiences can be opportunities for growth and deeper understanding of our relationship with the divine. By embracing each experience with grace and seeking guidance from trusted sources, we can deepen our spiritual practice and move closer to a state of spiritual union. Ultimately, spiritual consolation and desolation are both integral parts of our spiritual journey, and by embracing both we can experience a deeper sense of meaning and purpose in life.